unruly church kids

Something just keeps getting my attention these days and is actually starting to get a bit annoying. (You know what that means: time for another rant!) Is it me, or is there a dearth of discipline among young church kids these days? Given my total lack of interaction with that age group, I don't really know what normal and acceptable (or at least expected) behavior for a preschooler or early elementary age child looks like. And given that I usually try to keep said interaction to a minimum, I don't intend to figure it out too soon -- at least not through experience. But at the same time, I do think there should be some standards for public behavior, regardless of age.

Let's consider exhibit #1. A few weeks ago, or several weeks ago now I guess, I was helping straighten up the church foyer one evening during the latter half of an ESL session. Before I get too far, some background is necessary here. We use the foyer as our ESL break area of sorts, where students and teachers come for a 15-minute break in the middle of the two-hour class sessions to interact with one another and get some light snacks and drinks (or, in my case, dinner). Since I'm sort of a behind-the-scenes helper this semester, one of my roles is to take care of setup and cleanup of the break area.

Anyway, enough background. So here I am, kinda packing stuff up, kinda moving stuff around, getting ready as much as I can so when the teachers drop off their materials after class I can put it all away and be done in short order. Well, two preschool kids decide it'd be fun to start at the exterior doors and run through the foyer into the sanctuary while screaming at the top of their lungs. This occurs a few times, enough that I realize the process is going to keep repeating itself, so I start wondering what's up. I mean, in my book, this is completely unacceptable behavior on several counts: we're indoors and in a church no less, there are classes being taught in adjacent rooms, there are adults trying to talk in the same room, and on and on. Such would be cool outside, or in an empty building, or in one's own home sometimes, but...in a church on a busy Sunday night? Are you kidding me?

So back to the events at hand. I look up, and, much to my surprise, one of the parents is standing right there in the foyer, a few feet away from me, talking to a couple of other adults, apparently oblivious to the commotion at hand! This puts me in a bit of a quandary, because while I'm not comfortable and probably have no place trying to control someone else's child in the parent's presence, as "keeper of the foyer" I do have a responsibility to maintain some semblance of order so the classes can proceed without undue interruption. And it's not like the parent isn't aware there were ESL classes in session; it was being discussed only moments earlier. So I stand there pondering my options and trying to figure out if there's any way to fix this problem without being rude or stepping on toes. Thankfully, the parent finally tells one of the kids to quiet down a little, and both kids wander into the sanctuary. I figure they'll probably end up burning the place down or something, but at least they aren't making noise so they're out of my realm of responsibility for the time being.

Next, exhibit #2...maybe a couple of weeks later, I'm setting up for a break during ESL. Suddenly I hear a bunch of noise coming from the nursery/childcare room around the corner, and very much to my chagrin, it gets louder as whatever madness is taking place spills out into the hall. Having my own tasks to do and not wanting to get carried away on something else since I also have to keep an eye on the clock (I ring the bell at the halfway point to start breaks so that all classes come out at once), I don't bother to check it out and instead continue with what I'm doing -- no need to get violent unless they start going for the food or interfering with my preparations. Plus, since there's always at least one adult in that room, I don't think much of it and figure order will be restored shortly.

Well, it isn't. This carries on for probably 10-15 seconds and gives no signal of abating. Finally I get fed up and walk around the corner to find three kids doing something or other in the hall. I must have a mad look on my face, because upon seeing me they immediately shut up and begin to make their way back toward the nursery. Or maybe they thought they were being quiet and I "discovered" them...who knows. Anyway, right about then one of the nursery workers comes out and we exchange quick glances. Again, I must not be hiding my frustration well, as she averts her eyes quickly and, making zero further eye contact with me, ushers the kids back into the room. Somewhat perturbed by then, I don't make any great attempt at interaction myself and go back to my business. Later I realize that this was a perfect opportunity for a "Well, somebody has to instill some discipline around here" remark, but my mind rarely works fast enough to produce such commentary at the opportune times. Oh well...I figure the hint was taken.

Wait! That's not all. Just tonight (you knew this was on my mind for some reason, right?) we had a great ESL Thanksgiving dinner. Beforehand, while we're still doing final setup and folks are kinda mingling around their chairs and such, a few youngsters start jumping down from the stage onto the floor of the old sanctuary room we're hosting the dinner in. Now this isn't a huge drop, but the kids were very small and the had to get a running start to miss all the stairs. Furthermore, the drink stand was very close by, so I was holding my breath for the inevitable event of some showoff attempting a circus act, tumbling into the drinks, and bringing the contraption down on himself and creating a dreadful mess at the same time. Once again, there were plenty of bystanding adults (yes, parents, of course) around.

I realize the situation can go nowhere but down from here, so I pull a Pilate and proceed to get away from there so as to distance myself from whatever chaos will shortly ensue. I pass by an older gentleman, the husband of one of the ESL teachers and someone I've chatted with a few times, and he shoots me a "this isn't good" look. I rattle off something about a disaster waiting to happen, and he nods and looks disapprovingly back over toward the developing scene. Finally, someone -- don't remember who -- halts the game. Admittedly, this display of raucousness was slightly more understandable in that we were in a large room that was already a little noisy. But still, I can't imagine why someone would think kids doing jumping feats at a church dinner (with guests no less) and next to a table full of ready-to-spill drinks would somehow slip into the category of acceptable behavior.

There are other instances that I'm unfortunately not thinking of right now, but those are the ones burned into my memory as I write this. This is certainly a recurring theme though, so much so that I'm wondering whether the issue is as (relatively) new to me as it seems or if I somehow just never noticed it earlier in life. Now again, I'm not a parent and I don't have much of a baseline by which to judge such behavior. But I don't remember children at other churches I've been to being allowed to cavort like this. And when this occurs elsewhere in public -- stores, restaurants, etc. -- it stands out as bad behavior and the kids are usually disciplined on the spot. So, in what twisted way would this be considered acceptable? I mean, isn't there some threshold of courtesy and decency that can be expected for public places and events, even for children?

To me, that level of craziness in public buildings and at "official" functions is simply out of line. Okay, so maybe the children are rowdy and incapable of keeping quiet for more than a few seconds at a time, or maybe it's past their bedtime and they're getting antsy, or whatever. But if their behavior, especially in the presence of and even toward others, can't be held in check at least a little, then the children shouldn't be present. And a parent standing idly by and letting such activity carry on is beyond rude. That shows an inability to keep track of one's own children at best, and a failure to instill discipline and expectations at worst. If I ever have kids, they will learn at an early age to behave themselves and show respect toward the world around them while out and about. Some mistakes would be made once -- at most.