two sides to every coin

Lately I've been kinda wondering about this whole bachelor track a bit. That's not to say I've decided against it, of course, but despite what I read from others sometimes, bachelorhood is not without some significant challenges. In particular, loneliness and lack of church involvement have been front-and-center obstacles lately. The older I get, the less people like me there are--duh, right? But it does make quality hang-out time that much harder to come by. My closest friends, and the crew I'd stir up if I could, are all back where I lived until a year ago, and any homies here that might have become good friends in past years are now married and thus in a different place in life.

And the church seems to be predominantly married folks or couples on that path, even at my (not-so-old-yet) age, so as a single guy who's not coupled I'm kinda on an island when it comes to church. I see that becoming more the case as I advance in years too. I've recently tried to learn about stuff going on and get involved and serve where there's access, but I often feel like "that guy"--you know, the one who's awkwardly there but not really in the mix of things. I sometimes wonder how this phenomenon bodes for my future church involvement and attendance, not to mention my future well-being and spiritual growth, but that's a discussion for another day.

Anyway, why do I bring this up now? Because, well, there are two sides to every coin. Sometimes what's needed for each of us is a reminder of just how good we really do have it in many ways, a reminder of just how tough it is to put a price on things we take for granted. For me, things like peace and tranquility in life come to mind. On that note, every now and then a close encounter serves to provide me with anecdotal evidence that reminds me of why I haven't bothered to take many forays into the dating scene up to this point in life.

Take tonight, for example. I just got home from my Friday night dinner outing. (I try to eat a good sit-down meal at the end of the work week just to make sure I get out and interact with people outside of church at least that much every weekend.) Usually this entails hitting the bar at a casual restaurant and catching some sports action over my only full-size, fresh-cooked dinner and couple of beers of the week, as was the case tonight. Well, bars being what they are, you never know who you're gonna end up sitting next to. And tonight it happened to be what seemed to be a newly dating couple. [Cue suspense music]

I was preoccupied with my (quite good) Samuel Adams "Boston Red" brew and the Celtics-Magic game, just taking in some of the goodness of life, when the woman near me and the bartender started going on about past men in their lives. Before I know it the two have a full-fledged pity party going and I'm stuck within earshot. Awesome, the peacefulness of my outing has been smashed against the rocks of fembot whinery.

It's worth noting here that my fork and knife had, unfortunately, been taken away with my finished plate and I noticed no other sharp objects close at hand; otherwise I might have been able to self-inflict enough hearing loss to end the torment and still be able to enjoy my beer and basketball. I also considered knocking myself unconscious against the beer taps in front of me, but this would have prevented me from watching the game or finishing the one I'd just bought. So as it was, I wasn't about to walk away from an mostly-full glass so I just had to gut it out.

Anyway, the bartender goes on about how she just broke up with her boyfriend and how there "aren't many good men out there"* or some crap, and talks about how her boyfriend is trying so hard to make things work out but is being pathetic, and other soap-opera BS I won't torture myself to recount. The guest joined in the slamfest, despite her date/boyfriend sitting roughly 9-12 inches away. This bashing carried on for what seemed like half an eternity but was probably only a few minutes most.

Now mind you, the dude was triangulated here, sitting right there having to listen to it all, maybe even having to show signs of not being comatose. Now as a man, how does one respond in such a case? Speak up against such a mockery of decency and respect, no doubt incurring untold wrath and fury for such audacity? Just sit there and play along, all the while filing the info away for future consideration? Bolt out of the chair at a full sprint for the door, touching the floor maybe twice en route? Seems to me that he was just stuck between a very sharp rock and a couple of wickedly annoying women, with no simple way out. Hopefully the dude has his head on his shoulders enough to really think hard on whether or not all that resemblance to a man-hating, feminazi drama factory can really outweigh whatever is on the plus side of the balance.

As for me, the best I could do was simply smile to myself as I watched some basketball and pondered what I might do with my own time and money this weekend.

So finally the saga ended, they went back to doing whatever, and I cashed out shortly thereafter. Now I probably should have at least asked the bartender for her ex's phone number so I could give him a heads up on what he's NOT missing, but once again I couldn't figure out how any good would come from such an encounter with said creature so I decided to resist and just stick to my usual routine of observing and keeping my mouth shut.

And now? I'm sitting here blogging, hanging out, looking through my bike trails guide to figure out which one to ride tomorrow, wishing I hadn't eaten so much, and generally just chillin'. Perhaps not a perfect scenario, no, as having a (respectful) date or good friend to chat with would be preferable right about now. But I do also know that my current circumstances are a whole lot better than what a lot of bros are going through. A funny thing about us humans is that we always just assume the grass is greener on the other side of whatever fence we're staring at. Well, sometimes it takes a close encounter to remind us it ain't always greener...

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* At this point the first thing that came to my mind was "No, they're out there, and they're wise enough to stay clear of girls like YOU!!" However, failing to see how this could bring about anything except a quick few seconds of amusement at someone else's expense, and also failing to rationalize how such a response could glorify God, I held my tongue. That was one of those times I'm actually glad I tend to be shy and quiet, because me actually straight-up saying what I think would have been a bad thing.

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